What is your favourite swear word?
Swear words. My favourite. Hmmm. Well, I’ve always liked *&%^*$$@#%Y. But then there’s *&^. I suppose I’d have to go with ).

What are you wearing?
What am I wearing? What am I wearing?! Jesus! You know, I’ve just trawled Facebook for the last ten minutes. The world is a truly sorrowful place. What am I wearing??!! 2014 has been a ragged year of war, lies, paedophilia and greed… Grey Bonds briefs and a blue and white striped Vanishing Elephant T, all piled languorously on a teal linen doona cover.

What is love?
Love is the chill of a demon baby’s breath glimpsed from an antique pram on a frozen park lake.

What was the last show you saw, and how many stars do you give it?
The last show I saw was Cyrano de Bergerac at STC. I give it five bags of popcorn and five bags of soda.

Is your new show going to be any good?
Masterclass is the show and it’s a steaming pile of garbage.

Masterclass, by Gareth Davies and Charlie Garber.
Show dates: 14 – 31 Jan, 2015
Show venue: The Old Fitzroy Hotel